Thursday, October 25, 2007

i'm going to san francisco for a few days, so you may not hear from me in a while. then again, if i find a computer, there's no telling what kind of things i may say..

i have mixed feelings about work related trips. i find myself burnt out on work related meetings. it's funny...i remember being a medical student, and wondering what it took to attend important meetings and play a key role in them.

now i find myself faced with responsibilities - i suppose you would call my job at this meeting a moderately key role...and all i can think of are the good old days when i was a free bird. days when i could skip all the sessions and enjoy the simple charm of a city. days where no one made demands, days where no one really looked for me.

not that a bunch of people do now..but just enough to annoy me. just enough to make this a real "work" meeting, leaving little room for freedom.

i guess the older i get the less ambitious i feel.

or maybe it's just that my ambitions have changed, my perspective taken on a sharper focus.

long gone is the desire to impress my colleagues. now i find myself just wanting to enjoy the days God has given me here on earth.

it's funny how that sinking realization comes almost a day late -
then again, it's never too late to live.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

yesterday i received a comment to my post "no title" that was kind and generous, but hinted at the notion that i was thinking of shutting down this blog.

today i feel the need to clarify that i have no intention of "going underground".
some of you may be taking a deep sigh of relief while others may be hitting your head against the wall...

here's the deal. i am who i am and am not ashamed of it. those who know me well know that i am not a voice to be silenced.

i do, however, strive to be loving and caring to all. and when my comments risk hurting others, even unintentionally, then those comments need to be moderated.

that is why i erased my post "on dating". which i somehow regret now. i liked that post. and i have since found out that amusement and not hurt was the result of it.

oh well. c'est la vie, as the french say, and i will just have to think of other more amusing things to blog about.

thank you all for reading and for your support.
i will likely post something later today.
keep waiting.

ps don't you all wish i had stuck to my touchy feely punch line posts of yonder days?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

no title

so, it may seem like i haven't blogged in a while, but the truth is that i did post a blog last week that i quickly removed.

here's the thing about blogs: they aren't anonymous.

and sooner or later, i'm finding out that posts come back to haunt me.

the funniest part about that wretched blog is that the very person that i wasn't sure i wanted to read my blog happenstanced upon it.

well, he and my brother of course. i can always count on my brother to read my blogs and comment on them.

and he always has good stuff to say about them, mind you.

not that i post all his comments. but that shouldn't be taken personally either.
i believe it's my right to decide what i post on my blog.
like freedom of speech or something.

anyway - my views on dating haven't changed much in a week. and no matter what anyone says, dating is not like a business deal.

it's much more complicated than that.
and i for one don't claim to know anything about it.

good night.

Monday, October 15, 2007

easy to fix

today a "friend" of mine complained that my blogs all sound the same.

now that's a problem that's easy to fix.

stop reading.

wish everything in life was that easy.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

it's raining

i drove down from Wisconsin to Chicago today, and it rained the whole way down. almost.

here's how it played out. when i left wisconsin, the packers were losing. it was terrible. the rain wouldn't stop. i could barely see the road, and my contact suddenly moved from its place in the middle of my eye.

between trying to adjust it, and worrying about the packers, things were looking grim. then to make matters worse, i was almost out of gas. the light in the dashboard came on. i hate that. it makes me nervous. but at least by now my eye was back to normal. still - i couldn't shake this feeling that things were going to get worse.

the rain wouldn't stop. somehow, the packers managed to score enough to lead by three. but of course, then came the inevitable turnovers. but then it was the redskins that lost the ball and we recovered on the 9 yard line. the offense - true to form - and despite my all time favorite quarterback's middle aged effort, were unable to capitalize on that "gimme". and there was still a quarter and a half left to play.

did i mention that the rain just wouldn't stop. i had a bad feeling about the home team's ability to pull this one off.

but i kept listening to the "static-ey" am station. i hate am stations. the light no my dashboard was still yellow. and i was stuck in stop and go traffic. my heart was beating fast. faster than it has beaten in a while.

and just when things couldn't seem to get worse, the oasis sign flashed before my eyes.
by the time my gas tank was full again, i noticed something else too.
the rain had stopped.
and the game was over.
the packers won by 3.

is it raining in your life today?
just wait. before you know it, the rain will stop.
it always does.

Monday, October 8, 2007

discontent

the last couple of days have been beautiful sunny summer like days in chicago - at a time when temperatures are usually 20 degrees lower.

people at work have mixed feelings about this. some people - the sun lovers - are thrilled. others, the snow birds, can't stand it.

i got to thinking...that's the trouble with us. it's alway either too cold, or too hot. too wet or too dry.

and our dissatisfaction isn't limited to the weather system. it extends to the stuff we own. things are either too expensive, or too cheap. too long or too short. too stylish, or too dowdy.

and then there are the people we meet. especially guys. they are either too good looking, or not good looking enough. too rich or too poor. too nice or not nice enough. too organized, or too sloppy. too strict or too loose. too touchy feely or not sensitive enough.

and how about work? a day is either too busy, or too slow. the customers too demanding, or too carefree. too rushed, or too slow. too smart, or just not smart enough.

most of us think of God that way too. He's too judgmental, or too merciful. too much grace or too much law. too generous to those who don't need anything, or too forgetful of our needs. too patient with our enemies who deserve punishment, or too attentive when it comes to our small sins.

never happy. always complaining. discontent.
and plain wrong.

maybe it's time to change.

Friday, October 5, 2007

boss pleasers

as i sit here and blog, i'm missing a meeting at work. a meeting that is not mandatory, but that is of some importance. it's not for lack of trying, or believing that it's a good meeting...but it's purely and simply for reasons that are honorable and true.

what's funny is that the first thought i had as i glanced at my watch and noticed that making the meeting had become an improbability, was that my boss would be ticked. and i realized that what bothered me more wasn't that i would miss a potentially useful meeting, but that my motive in going to that meeting had more to do with pleasing my boss than anything else.

when did i become the kind of person that tries so hard to please my boss? when did i lose sight of what is most important in my life? when did i become such a boss pleaser?

listen, i'm not advocating dropping personal work responsibilities. but i am telling myself it's time to reevaluate why i do what i do. it's time to refocus, and make first things first. it's time i realize that the reason i work hard, and the reason i strive for excellence has nothing to do with the guy in the corner office.

it has everything to do with the guy in the upstairs office.