Sunday, February 28, 2010

for my parents who don't have facebook!


guys just being cool














me and my sister in law patricia












waiting to see a great great shedd aquarium show called "Fantasea". it's 2 extra bucks and worth every cent of the admission price.











the penguins are behind us. they are my favorites.













stupid enough to wait in line for over an hour to get into the shedd on a cold chicago day. i didn't have socks on, my nephews didn't have gloves.

ya, i'm not used to grab and go with kids. didn't have a mom bag full of paraphenalia....

Saturday, February 27, 2010

the princess and the frog

i think this picture says it all.

and no, the frog doesn't actually change into a prince.

danger

a couple of months ago i went to the grocery store to buy some things for a recipe.

now, let me make a little disclaimer before i go on....if you know me or have ever met me, that right there is a pretty crazy statement. i included the word "I" and "grocery store" and "recipe" in one sentence, but yes, it's true, i did go to the grocery store to buy some things for a recipe.

it was around christmas time, and i had spent more money than i wanted to on gifts, and frankly, i was looking for a good deal.

the guy sitting at the table inside the entry to the grocery store did not strike me as someone to avoid. he even had his walker next to him. and he looked like he was giving away free cubs shirts and stuff. so when he talked to me, i stopped and listened.

turns out he was gonna sell me an 8 week subscription to a local chicago newspaper in exchange for one of 3 possible gift card choices: $5, $10, $25.

let's just say i was hooked. and the cubs hat wasn't even part of the deal...

i walked out with my $10 gift card.....i guess i'm lucky but not that lucky.....with a grin on my face.

little did i know that i'd been had.

the chicago sun times is the absolute worst newspaper i have ever been embarrassed enough to get to my house and if i don't discontinue it asap, i am worried it'll be held against me if i ever run for office which God willing, and my mind cooperating, i will never be stupid enough to do.

be careful what you read.
be careful what you let into your trust, and house, and mind.

not everything that looks good for you actually is.

in fact most trash out in our world is offered to us at what seems to be a very low price.

but it never is.

the cost is who you are and what you can become if you don't put an end to it!

just thought i'd share.

hope

my hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness
i dare not trust the sweet frame
but wholly lean on Jesus' name

i love these words to this old hymn. matt redman has a great newer remake of this song if you like him. i must have listened to it 100 times driving today and it still hasn't gotten old.

i think about all the things i do build my hope on. things like money, or a good retirement account, my house which was a good investment. sometimes i build my hope on people. i'm often guilty of that. i figure if that relationship would just work out, everything would fall into place. or i build my hope on the church and being involved in meaningful ministry. i even get in this rut of building my hope on my looks, or lack of them depending on the day! if my hair would just turn out right...other times i build my hope on the future, and my dreams. and when they don't actually become realized, my whole outlook is clouded and my vision is obscured.

my hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

not just words to a hymn, but my prayer for myself tonight.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

picture crazy


i've never taken a lot of pictures in my life - my family can attest to that - but i just bought a camera for my haiti trip - and now i'm unstoppable!











me and my dad. i feel like i look exactly like him in that picture....yikes....i used to think i looked like my mom...ha!









then again how can you resist this smile?
















i like that sunset.

visiting my folks


my parents have been married for 41 years.

i think my mom married my dad for his good looks.










here they are again. you can barely see the sunshine behind them because their smiles are so bright! ha...














me and my mom. she's the wisest woman i know.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

prayer


my mom lost her bracelet yesterday. we had just gotten home from dinner when she noticed her bare arm. i hate that moment when you realize something is missing. i mean, it could be missing for days, and it makes no difference to you until that moment when you notice that it's missing.

i was already dressed for bed when i saw her make her way to the door committed to find that darned bracelet. i knew the bracelet wasn't a particularly expensive one, so i was a little annoyed by her focused energy at finding it, and honestly, i was in no mood to get dressed back up to go with her on this silly scavenger hunt. but even i am too polite to let my aging mother hit the town alone looking for a needle in a haystack.

we started with "bealls", our favorite discount store where we had spent a few post dinner moments trying on various clearance items. we crawled around the store scraping the floor in search of a blue bracelet while a few scattered hard of hearing, near sighted retirees stared on convinced we had lost our marbles. even the ladies at the check out desk smirked when we asked if anyone had turned the bracelet in.

my mom was devastated. she's not one to lose anything, and despite my reminding her that a fake bracelet means little in the scheme of starving children and hopeless people in the world, she closed her eyes and set out praying.

we had almost made our way back home when something prompted me to call the restaurant where we had eaten dinner. now i was sure the call was useless but i figured i had little to lose in making the call. i was apologetic to the restaurant as i explained the reason for my call, and was astounded when they stated that they in fact had the lost bracelet.

my mom was ecstatic as she affirmed to herself how much Jesus loved her and had answered her prayer.

at first i chuckled.

but as i think about this story today, i'm struck by how much deeper my mom's prayer life is than mine. there is no prayer request that is too little for our God, and there is no need that is too trivial. if you don't ask, you won't get. and if you ask, do it in faith. God hears. God cares.

Go ahead. do it. you may just find that bracelet you think is lost.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

faith

have you still no faith?

Jesus asks his disciples this simple question in the middle of a storm. he's asleep in the boat. unfrazzled. they are freaking out.

mind you, they've already been with him for some time. they've seen him turn the water into wine, and heal the sick, and remove demons, and make the lame walk. they have heard him teach. heck, their whole lives have been radically transformed by him: from fishermen, and tax collectors to following this man who claims to be God.

then a little wind blows and their lives are turned upside down. and Jesus is sitting just an arms length from them, but they accuse him of abandoning him, of not caring.

i am amazed at how much my life and attitude reflects that of the disciples in the boat.
i believe Jesus is the son of God, born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, predicted that he would willingly lay his life down for me, went around doing a million miracles, was wrongly accused and taken to the cross to die, but he agreed to this knowingly simply because a sinner undeserving like me needed a way back to God, and then he ROSE AGAIN! his body was never found. his disciples were so radically changed that each ended up dying for him. and christianity grew and endured much. and today i know Jesus and he lives in my heart. he's saved me. i've given my whole life to him. he has radically transformed me. he has protected me and provided for me, and proven to me again and again that he is God. he has answered my prayers and healed my broken heart, he has loved me through periods of failure and given me grace when i have not deserved it.

and yet the minute the wind rises, and the waves grow, and the sun hides behind a cloud, i seem to forget that he is right there unfrazzled, unfazed by any of it. and when i finally slow down enough to listen to him speak, i hear his words clearly:

lina, have you still no faith?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

24/7

Where is your God he asks
And looks at me
With piercing eyes
In tattered clothes
All warmth evades
His mother dead
His father gone
The future bleak
Disaster real

Where is your God she asks
Her child is sick
All hope is lost
No tears roll down
Her shattered face
She sits alone
In disarray
If God did care
Why does he dare

Where is your God they ask
We used to pray
The word obey
But trials came
Along the way
Our shoulders bend
Beneath the strain
Of hurtful words
And broken dreams

Then suddenly
the wind picked up
The sun came out
Behind the hills
And clouds began to
Disappear
And then too soon
In turn the moon
Shone brightly down
For all around

My God is big
His presence near
By day by night
And come what may
In summer, fall
And winter, spring
There is no need
He does not see
Nor angry word
He does not hear

He never leaves
No matter what
And just when I
Misunderstand
His purposes his plans his way
He still is near
And whispers clear
My child I’m here
Yes even still
I’m always here

labujamra

Monday, February 15, 2010

welcome

hi!

welcome to my blog!

if you are looking for blog updates on haiti, just scroll on down, or use the index of contents on the right. the first entry is called "day one", and the last one is "reentry".

i hope you enjoy your time at this blog, and visit again sometime to see what's happening in my world!

you can also follow me on twitter @Linamay.

Lina

Sunday, February 14, 2010

costco

some battles are just not worth having.

like the battle i just had with the guy at costco. i'm in the self check out line, everything is going just dandy, when this short hyper guy in jeans and a hand held scanner attacks my shopping cart and hollers about the inability of the machine to read the loaf of bread i'm in the process of buying. um, excuse me, but did anyone ask you to talk?

ok, i don't know about you, but my main thought at that moment is "lay off, buster". as if he couldn't make matters worse, he orders me to leave the bread in the cart and loudly asks if i have ever used a self check out before.

now listen, i may not know a whole lot about a lot of things, but like most women in the United States I have in fact used a self check out line before. and what's with the anger over the bread? it's not like i was trying to steal a rolex.

i find that my sense of humor sometimes evades me when i need it the most. see, most normal people could just laugh such an incident off. but not me. no. my rights have been violated, i need a lawyer. or a store manager at least. by the time i've hunted for someone who cares, my blood pressure is through the roof, my items are not purchased, and no one is the better for it but my friend with the hand held scanner who couldn't give a darn what i thought.

and i look over and see my sister just chuckling away.

yeah. some battles are just not worth having.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

unanswered prayer

i'm befuddled by your plan
perplexed by your way
confused by your road
certain i'm off base

i'm frustrated by your speed
annoyed by your actions
irritated by your patience
certain i'm off base

i'm discouraged by your answer
disappointed by inaction
discordant by nature
certain i'm off base

i'm resigned to your goodness
submitted to your wisdom
surrendered to your word
certain i'm okay

© labujamra

reentry

i've been asked by many how i've adjusted to reentry to life in the United States since returning from Haiti.

Easy.

I've rushed.

Between finding a gas station with a working air machine to fill my semi flat tire, to starting a new job, to paying my now late bills, to catching up with old friends, and returning phone calls, and cleaning, and doing laundry, and shoveling snow, and updating the blog, and grocery shopping, and catching up on bible study, and and and....

there hasn't been any time to worry about reentry.

and yet, only 4 hours away by plane lies a country devastated by one of the worst natural disasters of all times, with over half a million homeless people trying to survive, and thousands of children still trying to find their parents, and hunger, and confusion, and anger, and illness.

i don't want to rush by my life anymore. i don't want to quickly forget.

i want to experience the pain of reentry in its fullness, the sense that i have too much, that i have led myself to believe that i need too much, that i have forgotten what life is really all about.

my third grade teacher once wrote in my report card: "lina needs to take time to smell the roses".

it's about time i learned that lesson.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

farewell

Heart beating
thoughts racing
refusing to
leave behind
gaping smiles
and hopeful faces
Fists clenched
knuckles white
holding on
tighter

Tears fill
eyes fixed
on rear view mirrors
of dust rising
and rubble fading
the moon watching
o'er people lined
on empty streets
afraid of
hunger

And one by one
things held on to
dearly lose
their luster
til one thing remains
not wealth nor power
not self nor comfort
all else pales
only you shine
brighter

© labujamra

return home

I made it home safely 6 hours ago. It is hard to comprehend the content of the last two weeks.
I shed my first tears on the drive out of haiti. I believe God gave our team the ability to work hard, to function at our best with some level of intellectualism in order to offer strong shoulders to our brothers and sisters in Haiti. The tears have continued to come. I am sure it will take weeks and maybe even a lifetime to totally comprehend the impact this medical trip has had on my life.

I am overwhelmed by God's hand over us as we went about doing His work. We were never hungry, never too hot nor too cold, never too dirty, never unsafe, and always aware of the privilege of being given an opportunity to offer ourselves in a sacrificial manner.

Thank you - each of you - for your prayers and support. Your support - whether in material things like medical supplies, or in thought - makes you part of our team. We couldn't have done it without you. May you continue to see fruits of this labor through our stories and updates in weeks to come.

more memories


The hardest part of doing relief work is hearing the stories of young boys and girls and seeing the sadness and despair in their eyes.

I met Dol the first day of clinic at the soccer stadium. He told me he lost his mother in the earthquake. The next time I saw him was in the clinic. He came with his 2 y/o brother. His medical complaint to us was that he hadn't seen his 2 y/o brother smile since his mother died.

on the third visit, he actually showed me a cell phone picture of his dead mother.

Dol is the saddest little boy I have met. It's hard to find the right words to say to a 13 y/o boy in such moments. I will always remember Dol and keep him in my prayers.


The guys in the green shirts are the most amazing group of guys i have met. they were our drivers/interpreters/bodyguards/helpers all in one. Each of these men had lost immensely during the earthquake - some lost loved ones, all lost material goods and homes - yet they showed up daily with a smile and a zeal for work.

They kept telling us that we were VIPs in their country because we were "medicos".

The truth is i have never met a more VIP group of men in my life. It was an honor to be a part of their life for a few days.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Leaving Haiti by Jen McNulty, MD

Today was our last day in Port-au-Prince. The medical team split into two groups; one went to the stadium to staff our regular clinic and the other went to the Petionville Club to evaluate another site for a clinic. I was feeling sad that this was our last day, but I was also looking forward to hugging my husband and children.
Sean Penn has a non-governmental organization that is here providing support to other relief organizations. They are set up adjacent to an army base at the Petionville Club. It used to be a country club and golf club. Now there are more than 20 acres of temporary housing set up on its grounds. The Israeli and Germans have been providing medical care, with the Army docs backing them up and providing transportation out of the camps to higher levels of medical care.
I am positive that we made a difference here in Haiti. There were many cases of only mild illness, but the patients clearly felt better just being listened to and having a stethoscope of an American doctor on their chests. When you look into the eyes of these children, they are sad. But behind the sadness rests strength, and these are a people that will overcome this devastation. If nothing else, they have taught me the meaning of human spirit, and I will never be the same. What an honor to have served them.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

always smiling


this beautiful boy lost his parents in the earthquake. he came up to us at a gas station, and just wanted to talk.

his smile won my heart.










the best part of doing any relief work - in my opinion as a pediatrician - is seeing smiles on the faces of children despite their difficult and sometimes impossible circumstances.

i have much to learn from these kids.



and below is a sweet sweet girl - already babysitting little brother.

street wise

you can be homeless, broke, even hungry, but there's never a reason to be dirty.

i love this picture because it depicts so much.

first, notice the pictures on the wall. despite the great tragedy that has hit haiti, people are still resourceful and looking for ways to stimulate the economy. i bought 2 beautiful paintings from a street vendor today.

then notice the little boy. he's helping his father with this simple task. it's touching and real.

finally, how can you not love the man who is better soaped than most people who own a shower if not two!!!



we were driving home from clinic one day, stuck in traffic, tired and hot, looking out the window, and there in the middle of the street were these men playing cards.

we initially got smiles from all three, but i think the sassy man could tell we needed to really laugh a little, so he taunted us to take his picture with his tongue!







this has become an all too common site for us. it's lines of people waiting for food being handed out by the UN.

the haitians have given me a whole new perspective on patience and waiting. you may hear about riots on the news, but honestly, given the number of people standing in line in dire need of something to eat, i have never witnessed a more patient people.


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

doctors in action

our team of collaborators: a haitian ob/gyn with a displaced private practice, a group of surgeons from the philippines, the heart to heart group, and us - the children's memorial/heartland alliance group. i'm way up on the left..
and the 2 crazy docs are jen mcnulty and yours truly....don't ask what we were doing!





um....nice face...

team work

one of the greatest challenges we have faced in setting up a medical clinic has been maintaining an ongoing supply of medicines for the large number of patients we see daily.

it was evident on day 2 of clinic that the supply we brought with us from the US would quickly dwindle to little as we hurried through hundreds of patients' chief complaints.

we would quickly learn the bureaucracy of international relief work: multiple cooks in a small kitchen leading to slow supply chains and difficulty delivering resources to those in need.

our team leader, jennifer mcnulty took the challenge by the horns and determined to overcome every obstacle to meet the need of the people we were serving. i think everyone at the UN, WHO, and UNICEF, as well as log base (the central meeting point of all relief organizations in a disaster area) now know Dr.Jen.

the upside was that jen's determination bought us a little time and some additional necessary supplies to hold us over for another 2 days of clinic, but we still felt that we were short in medications and clinic needs.

so about 3 days into our 2 week trip Jen's husband Kevin got to work on the matter from his glen ellyn home. i still do not know how kevin got the ball rolling and into the goal line so quickly, but within 2 days, kevin had over 400 tons of equipment and meds, and close to $20,000 donated by friends and family to the cause of helping the people of haiti. foremost in the donations is Children's Memorial Hospital who actually was the organization that got our team together and sent us to haiti in the first place!!

by another miracle, Kevin managed to find a plane flying into Port au Prince (the plane is a CARES international plane, owned by Baxter corp), and we were ready to go with an abundance of supplies by day 6 of our 2 week stay.

our clinic became a collaboration of several groups of physicians: our team of pediatricians and family doctors, the Heart to Heart medical team, a group of surgeons from the philippines, and a private practice OB/GYN haitian doctor who used to be in private practice but lost his practice due to the earthquake.

thanks to kevin's hard work and the donations of every single person, we have become the major suppliers of free and necessary medicines to a population of thousands of haitians in the center of town!!

thank you to each and every one of you who has donated money to this cause.

if you wish to donate more money towards the medical work in haiti, here are some ways:

heartlandalliance.org : donate to the relief work in haiti, and specify that you are giving for the medical relief work

https://www.sbtbanknow.com/index.html
Become a fan of Suburban bank and trust on FaceBook and the bank will donate $1, up to $1000, to support their work for every new fan added through February 14th.


thanks in advance!!

Children's Memorial Medical Team to Haiti

15 minutes of fame

we didn't come to haiti looking for attention or fame, but the reporters were everywhere.
of course, my friend and colleague Jen McNulty's only dream was to make it on NPR. we're not sure if her dream (and her husband's kevin mcnulty - more on him later) will come true, but we hope and wait!

here are links of articles that have mentioned members of our teams:

http://www.suburbanchicagonews.com/napervillesun/news/2017583,6_1_NA29_HAITIDOC_S1-100129.article

http://sec.wbir.com/photo/04Ar7Gr8wdeLl

http://www.daily-jeff.com/news/article/4761444

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/files/photos/9/9fef7300-d30a-487e-b160-43bf4824d843.html?SITE=NMALJ&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

the medical clinic

waiting for the doctor in dignity.




the israeli medical group began this clinic site at the soccer stadium in the center of port au prince. later, a medical relief group called heart to heart would take over it, and we were lucky enough to jump in on the action and become one of the main group of physicians to provide care for this tent city of thousands with daily visits of 300-400 patients. we hope to run this clinic for at least 6 weeks under the support of heartland alliance.



our soccer stadium tent city is blessed to be on turf. we grew to love this community of haitians that we served in our clinic.



the first day of clinic we treated over 400 patients at the SOS children's village orphanage. the children are beautiful and well cared for.

aftermath

I hear the sound of dissonance
the cries of children rising
from deep within the earth, trembling
save us, Lord, save us

I hear the sound of emptiness
of broken houses sinking
of lonely people wandering
help us, Lord, help us

I hear the sound of hunger
of hands stretched out waiting
and hollow eyes despairing
fill us, Lord, fill us

i hear the sound of silence
steady in the night, beating
and children under stars sleeping
heal us, Lord, heal us

© labujamra

reflections

i've never had a hard time expressing myself in words. yet the words have been fleeting as i've tried in vain to verbalize some of the emotions i've had during the last 10 days.

i remember driving through port au prince and initially thinking that things weren't as bad as everyone was saying. a few minutes later, we met our drivers/interpreters/bodyguards (3 in 1! and guys who would become friends and daily companions to us) and headed towards the center of town. i would quickly discover that i had vastly underestimated the damage to this country.

our driver, named Elysee, was a young man with a wife who is due any day and a 4 year old son. we soon began seeing rubble upon rubble and evidence of destruction beyond our wildest imagination. Elysee became more comfortable when he found out i spoke french, and we began hearing the first of many nightmares that were all too common among the haitians. he described how his family was saved by the skin of their teeth as they were headed to church moments before the earthquake hit. both his wife and son were safe, though their house destroyed, but to this day his wife has bruises all over her body and has not yet been checked by a physician. he is living on the streets, and daily heads out looking for food while his wife patiently and fearfully awaits his return home with something to eat. he lives in fear of sudden noises, fear of the unknown, fear of the future, and fear for his family.

what surprised me the most, and continues to surprise me, is Elysee's steadfast faith in God after enduring such hardship. he believes it is God who protected him and his family and who continues to meet his daily needs. after so much destruction one would expect hopelessness. instead, i have met men and women who are thankful for their life, and hopeful for the future. i have met men and women who are happy to see foreiners among them, helping their people, loving them. i have met men and women that i hope i can emulate were i to endure such a fate myself.

thank you, haiti, for allowing us to be among you and learn from you.

more pics

there are packer fans everywhere! smart haitian!


haitians are so patient. lines are everywhere. lines for banks. lines for cell phones. lines for water. lines for food. lines for doctors. patiently waiting. and so thankful. i love the people of haiti.

i've learned never to take water for granted.

random pics

on day 1 we were still in the car after a 10 hr ride (which we were later told should have only taken 6 hrs), and were entering a town square. caught in stop and go traffic, i caught the eye of this little boy who stole my heart with his smile.


our first view of a tent city. i didn't even know what that meant until i came to port au prince. the displaced people of haiti have nowhere to live, so they have created these tent cities that have now become neighborhoods and homes. our eyes would get so used to tent cities, i don't even blink anymore at these unbelievable sights of human overcrowding and need.

first impressions

my first impression of driving into port au prince would turn out to be very naive. we approached the city from the east, and must have come in on a portion of the town that was not as affected by the earthquake. the earthquake is referred to by the people of haiti as "L'evenement" which literally means "the event". i would later understand why they would refer to it as the event.

i grew up in beirut, lebanon in the 70s and 80s. i know all about destruction and damaged buildings. i know what it means to be afraid. i grew up dodging bullets and familiar with underground shelters. i understand water and electricity shortages. i know despair and fear.

nothing would prepare me for the sights i would see in port au prince.

nothing can prepare you for devastation to that magnitude.

and nothing, i mean nothing, would prepare me for the spirit of the people of haiti - a spirit of courage and resiliency.

water for life


water is a rare commodity in haiti today. this young girl was enjoying a hot afternoon by the water fountain. of course the condition of the water sanitation is currently a great source of trouble for the people of haiti.

the border

here we are at the border. this was one of the scarier part of our time in haiti. the line between the dominican republic and haiti is invisible and short. heartland alliance specializes in child protection services so a large part of their work involves monitoring the border for child trafficking and child slavery.

of course this would later become a big issue in the news, but the practice of taking "orphans" away from haiti to the US is common and easy.

thank God for people who are fighting for the rights and protection of children.

day 1

our medical team of 3 doctors and 3 nurses left chicago on january 27. we arrived to the Dominican Republic late in the night, slept for 2 and a half hours and were ready to go to haiti at 6am on the morning of this picture. we were scared. we didn't know what to expect. but we wore our brave faces that morning.

none of us could have predicted what was ahead for us in the 2 weeks to come. the challenges were present, but we lacked nothing in food, water, safety, or comfort.

on the day of this picture, we would drive for close to 10 hours into port au prince to meet the people from heartland alliance, our host relief organization in haiti.